From: PeacefulParentsNewsletter@casts.webvalence.com on behalf of Naomi Drew [win47win@aol.com] Sent: Sunday, March 13, 2011 1:00 PM To: Irais Guerrero Subject: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew PEACEFUL PARENTS a free e-newsletter from Naomi Drew, author of No Kidding About Bullying Please pass this newsletter on to anyone for whom it can make a difference. You can e-mail Naomi directly at Naomi@LearningPeace.com (To subscribe or unsubscribe please scroll to end) THE KEY TO ENDING BULLYING Dear Friends, Before I launch into today's topic, I must aplogized for the space between this newsletter and the last. Life has gotten so busy that I'm finding it hard to get the newsletter out as often as I have in the past. But even when I'm not in touch as often, I love hearing from you either via e-mail, or at my blog, http://authornaomidrew.blogspot.com. So please stay in touch with stories, questions, or just a quick hello. Also, here's some information about a webinar I'll be leading on March 24th. You can attend with friends and colleagues. Here are the details: TOPIC: Bullying Prevention and Conflict Resolution: Tips and Strategies You Can Use Today Thursday, March 24, 2011 4:00 PM Eastern 3:00 PM Central 2:00 PM Mountain 1:00 PM Pacific Who should attend? School administrators, principals, general classroom teachers, special education teachers, resource teachers, and curriculum advisors Gain powerful tools that will make your classroom a more peaceful place. Take away concrete, hands-on activities for bullying prevention and conflict resolution that you can use with your students right away, including: * Ways to foster kindness and compassion * How to help kids be "upstanders" for peers who are mistreated * Six steps for working out conflicts SPCIAL OFFER: All webinar participants receive 30% off No Kidding About Bullying after registering. Discount coupon will arrive in your confirmation email. Cost: $25 Space is limited. TO REGISTER go to: http://bit.ly/f8pJCl Hope you can join us! In peace, Naomi p.s. My newsletter server is spacing things in a strange way today. You may notice some odd formatting below. Sorry! ********************************************************************** The Key to Ending Bullying It's not stricter rules, and it's not punishment for kids who bully, although both of these can certainly help. The key to ending bullying actually exists way before acts of cruelty and intimidation ever take place. The key to ending bullying is helping kids become more empathic -- starting when they're very young. Neuroscientists and psychologists now say "bullying and other kinds of violence can indeed be reduced by encouraging empathy at an early age. Over the past decade, research in empathy -- the ability to put ourselves in another person's shoes -- has suggested that it is key, if not the key, to all human social interaction and morality." (Time Magazine, 9/17/210) So how do we build empathy? A fundamental way is to talk about feelings often, our own and our kids'. Mary Gordon, founder Roots of Empathy, says that being tuned in to one's feelings is the cornerstone of empathy. If we're shut off from our own feelings, then it only stands to reason that we'll be shut off to the feelings of others. And when kids are shut off to the feelings of others, it's very easy to bully. The way we treat our children, especially when we're angry, is another major factor. Even though many of us were spanked as kids, the research increasingly shows that kids who are spanked on a regular basis often end up becoming more aggressive. One of the world's foremost experts in empathy research, Martin Hoffman, emeritus professor of psychology at New York University, says "You can enhance empathy by the way you treat children, or you can kill it by providing a harsh punitive environment." Kids who bully tend to be impervious to the feelings of others. They also may take pleasure in another person's pain, feeling good about the edge it gives them. According to Stop Bullying Now, kids who bully on a regular basis tend to: Lack empathy Be impulsive, hot-headed, dominant Get easily frustrated Have difficulty following rules View violence in a positive way Often, kids who bully aren't taught to think about how their actions make other people feel. So how do we teach them the opposite, and how can we foster empathy and kindness in our homes? Here are some simple steps any parent can use: - Help your kids name their feelings, and do the same yourself. Instead of asking them how their day was, ask them how which parts of their day were happy, which weren't. Identify your own feelings too. Kids learn how to do this by watching us. - Model respect and compassion, especially when angry. Kids need to see us handle negative reactions in respectful ways. As Gandhi once said, "We must be the change we wish to see in others." - Seek out books, videos, movies, and TV shows with heroes who are respectful and compassionate. Think of real life examples too. Discuss this together. Kids need exposure to more people who are decent, kind, compassionate. - Call kids on mean words and actions of any kind. Whether directed at a sibling or friend, don't ignore mean behavior. Try saying something like, "That was disrespectful," or "It's not okay to talk to your her in such a mean way." Name it, call them on it, and help them find another way to express their anger or displeasure. - Have your kids make amends when they've hurt someone's feelings. Do the same yourself. Always ask, "What can you do to make it better?" - Post this quote in your home and talk about it s a family: "When I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel." (This article first appeared in The Examiner. To read more articles on bullying by Naomi Drew, go to: http://www.examiner.com/bullying-in-philadelphia/naomi-drew) Naomi Drew is the author of seven books, all available on Amazon.com: No Kidding About Bullying (Free Spirit Pub.) Learning the Skills of Peacemaking (ProEd Publishers) The Peaceful Classroom in Action (Personhood Press) Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids (Kensington Publishers) Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World (Citadel) The Kids' Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free Spirit Pub.) A Leaders' Guide to The Kids' Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free Spirit Pub.) To schedule a workshop or keynote, e-mailNaomi@LearningPeace.com You can follow Naomi at: authorNaomiDrew.Blogspot.com http://twitter.com/authornaomidrew TheExaminer: http://exm.nr/dMhJsk Peaceful Parents is a free service. Please share this newsletter. Feel free to download and circulate. Copyright Naomi Drew, March, 2011. All Rights Reserved. This content may be forwarded in full, with copyright/contact/creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for- profit format. If any other use is desired, permission in writing from the author is required. Love and Peace to All of You. To subscribe to this list, browse to: http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/subscribe?lists=PeacefulParentsNewsletter To cancel, browse to: http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/cancel?lists=PeacefulParentsNewsletter Naomi Drew c/o Free Spirit Pub. 217 Fifth. No., Suite 200 Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299